So I looked up “amazing” under the gif search and this little guy came up
ill be talking to clients like "Sorry for the inconvenience, i will be sending the attached files in the next email please do let me know if you have troubles with the compatibility in the format or if you need anything else. Regards " like i don't i hop on tumblr and post "quiero chuparle las tetas al dibu mientras le tiño el pelo horrible" 😭😭😭
slightly punk-looking teenager on a cop show: i wont talk. i know my rights
cops behind interrogation room glass: damn. this one teenager won’t cooperate. now we’ll never catch Fuckhands the Baby Murderer. and it’s all because the police doesn’t have absolute authority. this is terrible
grandmas across the world: damn, good point
The Least Intimidating bakery in the village has closed for good so now I’ve got to go to the Intimidating Bakery, it’s awful. If you don’t have a PhD in being French I don’t recommend going to that bakery, here’s the humiliating account of the 3 times I’ve visited it so far:
- the first time I went in there I pointed at one of those extra-skinny baguettes and said “a flute, please” feeling pretty sure of myself, and the baker said “… that’s a ficelle” (you idiot) (was implied) “a flute is twice as large as a baguette.”
- That’s insane, first of all, a flute is a skinny instrument. Call your fat baguette a bassoon, lady—I made some timid remark about how it would make more sense for a flute to be a skinny bread and the baker said, “In Paris it is. I thought you were from the South?”
- oh, that hurt
- I guess I’m from the part of the South that’s so close to Italy the bread’s waist size matters less than whether it’s got olives in it, but I left the bakery having an existential crisis over whether living in Paris had made me forget my roots
- the Least Intimidating Bakery just had normal baguettes vs. seedy baguettes vs. horny baguettes (easy mode, some have seeds, some have horns), while the new bakery has breads that are only different on a molecular level—there’s a good old loaf and then another, identical loaf called a bastard? google told me a bastard is “halfway between a baguette and a bread” but denouncing them like “those are not regulation-sized bastards” would get me banned from the bakery for life
- on my 2nd visit (while I stood in line discreetly googling baguette terminology) there was an English tourist who asked for a baguette while pointing at what was either a rustique or a sesame and I felt a bit worried for them, but the baker just clarified “this one?” to waive any responsibility if they found out later it wasn’t a classic baguette, then handed them the bread without educating them in a judgmental tone and I felt envious
- I know it’s because she thinks the English are beyond saving but still it made me want to come back with a fake moustache and an English accent so I wouldn’t be expected to play bakery on expert mode just because I’m French. I asked for a pastry this time and the baker asked “no bread with that?” which felt cruel, like she wanted me to sprinkle myself with ashes and admit out loud that my level of bread proficiency isn’t as advanced as I once believed it was
- The third time I went, I had lost all self-confidence and I hesitantly pointed at a bread and said “I’d like this, uh—what is it called?” and the baker looked at me in disbelief and said “That’s a baguette.”
- God.
- for the record, if that stupid bread had been flanked by a skinny bread (ficelle) and a fat one (flute) then yeah of course I would have known to call it a baguette, but in the absence of reference points I now felt lost and scared of being called a Parisian again
- it’s hard to express the depth of my suffering so I’ll just let the facts speak for themselves: this morning a French person (me) stood in a French bakery in France surrounded by French people and pointed at a baguette and said “what is this called”
So the French are like that to each other, too
Am I allowed to address my followers as "sluts, bitches and whores"? I don't want to exclude anyone by saying ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure the current handbook reccommends "attention all Amtrak passengers" but hey, it's your semi-privatized national rail network so do what you want.
That's for the passengers on a train, none of you fuckers are on a train
If the wi-fi ever fucking worked on the trains, maybe we would be.
it's time to move "vocabulary mixup lessons with sao" from twitter to tumblr!
today's common fanfic fuckup that slays the man:
flout: to disobey or avoid
flaunt: to loudly/ostentatiously display
these two are very disconcerting to see mixed up!! you don't USUALLY "flaunt" the rules, and you certainly don't "flout" your new outfit!
OH WHILE I'M HERE
have my most-seen and most-bothered-by one:
loathe: to hate (she loathed him, she loathes her, etc)
loath: reluctant (he was loath to leave him)
THE 'E' DOES make them different words! i'm sorry !! i'm sorry english is like this but i'm tired of this one!
the other classic:
my friends who write porn. this one is for you mostly. please.
lave: to wash (often with small, repeated motions) (this is the one you want)
this is a lathe:
So I ended up with free time at the end of my first class today, so I was like "do yall wanna see a vintage meme?" and turned on "what does the fox say". Expected like. A laugh from the kids, or even just a "wtf is this mx?" which is. A reasonable reaction to What Does The Fox Say.
But instead of a reasonable reaction. all of my students watched the first 60 seconds with jaws agape. And then this one kids turns to me like the fucking eye of Sauron and literally goes:
My husband told me I also should share the next part of this story, where I, feebly trying to defend my honor against a child, said, "No, this video was just big when I was in college!" and he scoffed, rolled his eyes, and absolutely obliterated me by saying, "So did you go to furry college?"
To everyone pointing out my icon: do I have a fursona? Yes. Does that make me a furry? Almost definitely. Do you admit that to a 12 year old who has just accused you of being a furry, in front of 23 other 12 year olds, with 25 instructional days left in the year? Absolutely THE FUCK not!!!
moment of silence for everyone who relied on AI chat bots for research when it’s going around saying shit like this.
[image description: search that reads “country in africa that starts with K”. the featured snipped is from www.emergentmind.com and reads “While there are 54 recognized countries in Africa, none of them begin with the letter "K". The closest is Kenya, which starts with a "K" sound, but is actually spelled with a "K" sound. It's always interesting to learn new trivia facts like this.” /end ID]
fun fact: western shirts' buttons are snaps instead of normal buttons so cowboys can more easily tear each other's clothes off without ruining them in the heat of the moment
nothin' quite like how a dog loves
let dead dogs lie - silas denver melvin // red dog - elizabeth frink // how to be a dog - andrew kane // domestication syndrome - dhole b // no origin found // for your own good - leah horlick // pleasure - beth cavener // it will come back - hozier // i am a dog. i have blood all over my teeth. - uhode // same poem as directly previous